Spiritual Reading

Reading often means gathering information, acquiring new insights and knowledge, and mastering a new field.  It can lead us to degrees, diplomas, and certificates.  Spiritual reading however, is different.  It means not simply reading about spiritual things but also reading about spiritual things in a spiritual way...As we read spiritually about spiritual things, we open our hearts to God's voice.  Sometimes we must be willing to put down the book we are reading and just listen to what God is saying to us through its words.

From Bread for the Journey: A Daybook of Wisdom and Faith by Henri J. M. Nouwen, 1997

What is Real?

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others.  He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces.  He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else.  For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those play things that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it. 


"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out-handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse.  "It's a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become.  It takes a long time.  That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are Real?" said the Rabbit.  And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.  But the Skin Horse only smiled."

from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

We are never the same after hurt and pain - nor after great joy.  What is past lingers but what is growing new overcomes and brings new life.  It's different - either vibrant growth or a gnarled, thwarted growth - but never the same. 

"The uptorn trees are not rooted again; the parted hills are left scarred; if there is a new growth, the trees are not the same as the old, and the hills underneath their green vesture bear the marks of the past rending."  Mill on the Floss, George Eliot

The Dark Wood

Several years ago our son, Andrew, drew this picture of a young boy and his cat heading into the "dark wood."  I enlarged it and painted it and I love it.

I think how often we get only as far as the entrance to the woods and spiritually only as far as to the entrance of our soul.

A friend of mine loves books and 'gathers' books for me.  She gave me Reaching Out, by Henri J. M. Nouwen and yesterday I read the following which calls out to me to read further:

"What does it mean to live a life in the Spirit of Jesus Christ?....The question about the spiritual life is a very challenging question. It touches the core of life.  It forces you to take nothing for granted - neither good nor evil, neither life nor death, neither human beings nor God.  That is why this question, while intimately my own, is also the question that asks for so much guidance.  That is why the decisions that are most personal ask for the greatest support.  That is why, even after many years of education and formation, even after the good advice and counsel of many, I can still say with Dante, "In the middle of the way of our life I find myself in a dark wood."  

This experience is frightful as well as exhilarating because it is the great experience of being alone, alone in the world, alone before God...In the midst of a turbulent, often chaotic, life we are called to reach out, with courageous honesty to our innermost self, with relentless care to our fellow human beings, and with increasing prayer to our God.  To do that, however, we have to face and explore directly our inner restlessness, our mixed feelings towards others and our deep-seated suspicions about the absence of God..."

Reaching out to our innermost self is often a movement into solitude, often a walk through dark woods, a lonely path.  But we each need to find our way. To find our way through the silence, to see the faces in the trees, penetrate the hidden corners of our heart, confront the fears....to come through the deep woods where our hearts have called out to God and we have finally learned to open the way to the prayer of our heart and eventually come to the living water.

Bishop Theophan the Recluse:  "I will remind you of only one thing: one must descend with the mind into the heart, and there stand before the face of the Lord, ever present, all seeing within you.  The prayer takes a firm and steadfast hold, when a small fire begins to burn in the heart.  Try not to quench this fire, and it will become established in such a way that the prayer repeats itself: and then you will have within you a small murmuring stream."

In this way then - through the deep woods, into the soul, before the face of God, we come to the place of nourishment and peace, the still waters, the living stream - the heart of God, El Shaddai.

Swirling Waters

When I look at this painting I reflect on both the surface and the depths.

1. On the surface it is interesting and beautiful because of the colourful lily pads. 

2. On the surface you observe the movement of the water due to the flow of the stream or the wind.

3. Below the surface is another world.  A world of 'debris' and of nourishment.  The plants at the top would not flourish without the food and soil below. 

4.  In the world below you find the 'heavy' things, the stones, waterlogged branches, shells.  These all have a beauty of their own magnified through the water's windowpane above.  But these can only be discerned when the water is calm.

Life is something like this.  I've been pondering my soul...well the concept of the soul or the true self and conclude that it is difficult sometimes to see below the surface of my life into my soul - into who I really am.

As we go through life we tend to mask our 'true self' or we hesitate to be whom we really long to be out of fear of what others will say and think. We lose track of our true self and start to wear "other people's faces."

Palmer Parker writes in Let Your Life Speak:  
"We arrive in this world with birthright gifts - then we spend the first half of our lives abandoning them or letting others disabuse us of them... of [our] original giftedness.  Then - if we are awake, aware, and able to admit our loss - we spend the second half trying to recover and reclaim the gift we once possessed." 

In a sense, the surface me masks what is within, below the surface. Like the water if it is disturbed or if there is too much vegetation cluttering the surface, busyness and material things disturb and clutter my life and my soul seems hidden.

Now, I realize that busyness and material things are simply part of life and we can not eliminate them so I think we need to manage them so there is time  & space to see beneath the surface and to attend to the soul.  This is important because what is on the surface reflects not only outer movement and personality [emotions and giftings] but also that place where my 'roots' find their nourishment. What is in the deep will provide a stability and rootedness when the surface world is confused, disturbed, or lost in the pressure-nets controlled by  others.

May we go deep and look to the health of our soul. May we be encouraged and seek out what gives life in the deep, what nourishes, stabilizes, and contributes to the beauty of who we really are - the leaves and flowers, the ripples or waves, and the surface life.

Dallas Willard, in Renovation of the Heart, writes:

"Our soul is like an inner stream of water, which gives strength, direction, and harmony to every other element of our life.  When that stream is as it should be, we are constantly refreshed and exuberant in all we do, because our soul itself is profusely rooted in the vastness of God and his kingdom, including nature; and all else within us is enlivened and directed by that stream."

May you connect with your soul and may you be comfortable with who you find yourself to be.

Stained Glass

One morning as I walked into the living room I was greeted by dancing coloured specks of light on the walls and ceiling.  The light through the front window had touched the coloured glass 'hurricaine candle lamp' [yes, some of you will recognize it as being from Partylite] resulting in a wonderful display of light - made more vivid since our living and dining room are a dark colour. 

I often put this lamp near the window on evenings when we are expecting company to welcome them.  The reflections are so warm and lovely. One day it was near the window with a vase of tulips ....  which resulted in this painting which kept me busy Christmas week.


I love stained glass, and one Christmas as a present to ourselves, Doug and I designed a pattern and chose glass for a window to be made for one of those typical empty spaces between hall and living room, in houses of our vintage.  Below is a picture of this window which I love.


Stained glass is rather bland without light - but it is amazing the beauty a simple ray of light brings out of the glass. Light from a candle within or light from behind results in a many coloured display of dancing images that fill our minds with many mysterious and faraway thoughts.


This poem by Susanne Cooper captures some of the feelings stain glass calls forth from within us. You can check out her stained glass & poetry at:  http://www.suzannecooper.com/

IN HUSHED CATHEDRALS

In hushed cathedrals

vivid images dance on ancient

stone floors worn smooth by kneeling.

Sunlight through

bits of colored glass

weaving patterns

on faces of worshipers.

Singing praises to the sun.

Colors dance,

soothing eyes and warming souls.

In hushed cathedrals

vivid images dance on ancient

stone floors worn smooth by kneeling.

Someone.

Unknown.

Craftsmen of ages past,

leaving legacies of

beauty in glass.

Generations blend

in timeless marches,

worshiping, awed,

inspired by ancient glass.

Generations sharing unknown bonds,

embraced by arms of colored light.

Prayer Called Forth

Today I was reading about prayer In Naomi Levy's book, To Begin Again, and wondered again whether my prayers are being called forth from deep within me, are they memorized ritual, or am I sort of pushing my concerns up the hill towards God hoping he will hear them?

She writes,

“Prayer not only connects us to God, it also forces us to become intimately acquainted with our own souls…It is hard to talk to God.  It’s difficult to find the words or the voice to speak the words that are locked up within us. We have so much to say, but it takes enormous energy to dig deep enough inside our souls to reach out to God.”

Sometimes we need to dig deep to find words to pray. Other times there are no words, adequate or graspable for us to utter and we must simply let the Spirit call forth from deep within our souls the music - sweet or discordant - to be offered.

I like this illustration Levy uses:

“…a poor shepherd boy came to pray at the synagogue of the great Hasidic master the Baal Shem Tov.  As he sat mesmerized by the words and the melodies of the service, he had a deep longing to join in.  But the boy was illiterate and didn’t know any of the traditional prayers.

In his pocket the boy kept a small flute that he would take with him when he was tending his flock…

The little shepherd sat in silence during the long and awesome service, but at last his soul could no longer restrain itself.  He reached into his pocket and blew on the flute with all his heart.  A commotion swept through the synagogue.  The people who had been praying so intently were startled and appalled by the sudden outburst.  But the Baal Shem Tov explained that the shepherd’s prayer had come from the depths of his soul and had risen to the very seat of God.  With his small flute, the shepherd had lifted up all the eloquent prayers in the sanctuary.”

May we experience prayer that the “Spirit that searches everything, even the depths of God” (1 Corinthians 2:10) calls forth from deep within our souls.

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A wonderfully creative lady made me a lovely pair of handwarmers. Our son Matthew introduced me to the idea of handwarmers when he began wearing on his hands old socks cut off at the toe and a hole cut for the thumb.  They are very good for keeping hands warm while writing, typing, painting, or just generally being creative.  I took this picture for my sister because she knits and creates with wool and I thought it would inspire her. As I look at it now I also see it as a gesture – perhaps an invitation to you and I to be open to what is being called forth from within. 

Blessings of the New Year,

Laurel

A mystery to be lived

Life is not a series of problems to be solved but a mystery to be lived.

Some wonderful thoughts are shared in the Book of Blessings/Benedictus, by John O'Donohue.  Sometimes I like to bring together bits and pieces of different blessings because they express my thoughts or longings.

So at the end of the year just past I can conclude:
"As this year draws to its end,
We give thanks for the gifts it brought
And how they became inlaid within
Where neither time nor tide can touch them...

And to welcome the new year...

"All that is eternal in me
Welcomes the wonder of this day [year],
The field of brightness it creates
Offering time for each thing
To arise and illuminate....

May my mind come alive today [this year]
To the invisible geography
That invites me to new frontiers,
To break the dead shell of yesterdays,
To risk being disturbed and changed....

I arise today at the beginning of this year,
Blessed by all things...

May I live this day & this year
"Compassionate of heart,
Clear in word,
Gracious in awareness,
Courageous in thought.
Generous in love."

May you be blessed by the things of the year past that you have filed away in your mind and open to the blessings of 2011...wow! I typed that - 2011!!  What will we focus on? Where will our paths lead? Who will walk with us? What mysteries will we live? What problems will we leave unsolved? Whom will we become? What wonders and pains will become inlaid deep within our souls?


May God bless you and fill your life with wonder, courage and grace.

Some good thoughts on entering the new year at: http://periwinklequiltingandbeyond.blogspot.com/